Media mega-star Howard Stern has always credited his haters for helping him achieve a sick amount of fame and fortune. Many people tune into his radio show to look for reasons to be offended. In the process, rather than unplugging his mic, they are giving the show more juice, hence, adding to his audience.

Don’t make the same mistake when it comes to blogs that piss you off. Even if it’s this one.

“Spying” on your enemy or seeing what your blog competition is up to can be useful. But if you’re hitting refresh every few hours, all you’re really doing is giving that blog a jolt of traffic. Occasional “eavesdropping” has a purpose, but obsessive monitoring doesn’t help you differentiate your product.

If you build it, they will come. Or not. If you look away, they will fade. Or not. At least you did your part.

The best way to punish a blog you don’t like is to look the other way, never visit again. never mention it to anyone – in fact – don’t even think about it.

Often, bloggers will use their Websites as a way to attack the destinations they disagree with. You’ll usually find these posts lacking links. Big deal. Search engines will still pick up the word and Average Joes will still search the site to seek it out.

If a store screws you over, don’t return.
If there’s a fly in your soup, don’t order again.
If a blog makes your blood boil, click the little black “x.”

Ouch. I just saw our subscriber count drop. Good for you!

The lines are six people deep along Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue. People are hoping to catch a glimpse of the world-famous Saks holiday window displays. As with all store windows, the goal is simple: get you inside the store with the hope that you’ll conduct a transaction.

Blogs aren’t much different.

Our store windows are our headlines (thanks to RSS readers), our merchandise are blog posts and a transaction could be clicking on an ad or leaving a comment.

A lot of you enter the store regularly but never buy anything. Imagine if you walked into the local candy store, looked at all of the Hershey bars and Twizzlers and M&Ms and never bought anything? One day you’ll surely return to find the place boarded up.

It’s time you step up to the cashier. Or in this case, give back to your favorite blogs.

In the spirit of the holiday season, we have the perfect gift you can give to your favorite blog. CLICK ON AN AD or LEAVE A COMMENT.

Your words can be sweet as pie or harsh as winter, the blogger doesn’t really care. He or she is just greatful that the onset of Carpal Tunnel is worth it. Many of us think we are Legend, talking to a world that has disappeared. Letting us know that we are not alone is a special gift that only YOU can deliver.

There are exceptions.

In some cases, ego alone is enough to drive a blogger to an 800-word post. Take Jack of All Blogs for example. We absolutely love comments. However, if you think the deafening silence of ZERO comments will stop us, then you probably believe that Tila Tequila really wants a shot at love.

Whether it’s JOAB, Performancing or a little-known blog from your corner of the world, send a holiday smile and leave a comment for your lonely blogger. It’s good karma!

As far as the folks standing outside of Saks Fifth Avenue, just enjoy the window show – the stuff inside is too expensive.

I recently had the displeasure of recruiting new writers for one of my blogs. For the measly few bucks a post I was willing to shell out, I was hardly expecting David Foster Wallace. However, I did expect eighth-grade level writing. And people who understood what they were applying for. And people, who when asked for 250 words, delivered 250 words.

It’s with the utmost respect that I remind you folks trolling around Blogger Jobs and similar sites that there are rules when you apply for jobs:

- Follow the job posting’s instructions

- Provide error-free copy

- Make your inquiry unique

- Make your contact information crystal clear

- Do not ask for $75 for a 200 word post

It doesn’t matter if you’re applying to be a part-time blogger or a full-time CEO. And yes, someone really did expect me to pay almost 50 cents a word for a blog post!

It’s a crowded playing field out there friends, and rest assured, there are people out there who can write twice as well as you – and will take half the pay. I’m not above the law. You’re not above the law. John Chow and all of the Probloggers out there are not above the law. It’s the law of life. No matter what you do for a living, never forget it.

One final note. I was overwhelmed at the number of stay-at-home moms that are looking to blog for bucks. Do you really need the cash or are you just trying to stay sane by making ‘adult’ contact?

My wish for the world is that there are enough freelance blogging gigs for all of us. And may they each pay $75 per post.

On behalf of bloggers across the nation, I would like to thank Google for lowering the RageRank of blogs that participated in any paid link or pay per post activity. Rather than slap the “offenders” on the wrist, the Google gang went all gulag on us and dove in straight for the kill. No warning. No immediate recourse. Just deflated numbers and lower traffic.

Sometimes life lessons need to be tough. Like the time dad didn’t let me take the car to pick up Alexandra on our second date because I called him a prick.

Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened. How dare I look to profit from my passion/hobby/love of blogging. Apparently, I need to be more like Google and just work for the sheer “kick” of it all.

Personally, one of my blogs (not this one) dropped from a PR5 to a PR ZERO - overnight. How would Google like it if they woke up one morning and they found that their stock price had slid from $651 to zero? Well, lucky for them, no one entity can play God with the markets. The same, however, can’t be said for PageRank.

Again, thanks for the life lesson.

As you are already aware, most bloggers have more money than they know what to do with. I don’t know about you, but I tend to blog from the East Wing of my palace.

I guess I was just being greedy when I decided to tell my audience about a business or service that might actually be of interest to them. That’ll teach me to be so darn multi-dimensional.

Consider me put in my place, Why would a blogger of my stature look to earn $10 for 200 words when I can earn four cents for 200,000 with AdSense? Math isn’t my strong suit, but that’s an equation even I can grasp.

Many people are reporting on the imminent demise of PageRank. I sure hope that’s not the case. Get those algorithms tweaked and hit me with a big stick – I like it. Please sir, may I have another?

Just like Alexandra back in eighth grade, Google managed to turn me into a zero without a single word of how I can win her (them) back.

That just means I’ll have to try twice as hard. I hope you’ll consider this heartfelt thank you as a solid start. In the meantime, who don’t you cook up a negative PageRank rating system, cause this zero thing just ain’t low enough. Not for the bad boy I’ve been, prick.

This post has been sponsored by no one.

Forget doctors, lawyers and sanitation workers. It’s me who has the most important job in the world: BLOGGER.

Oh, you beg to differ? With a few simple keystrokes us lowly bloggers can pull off your mask, expose your true self and watch you tumble from that pedestal.

Cut me off on the highway? I’ll upload photos of you and your car.

Give me poor service? I’ll out your business on Twitter.

We’re like the paparazzi for regular people – armed with keyboards.

That’s why, without further adieu, I unveil a plan that I ask all bloggers who deem themselves worth the words they type to back..

Our occupation belongs on a license plate.

That’s the campaign. A movement to have our profession/skill labeled on license plates that get screwed into our entry level, fuel-efficient automobiles.

I don’t know how license plates operate in your neck of the woods, but here in the United States, there was a time when license plates were used simply for identification purposes. A numeric or alphanumeric code uniquely identified your vehicle within the issuing region’s database.

These days, however, there has been an American movement to incorporate more and more information onto these metal rectangles. The most popular bit of information people are paying extra to include is an abbreviation of their profession. Otherwise known as showing off.

Acupuncturists get ACU; Medical Doctors get MD; Registered Architects get AR, and so on.

What purpose could these identifiers possibly have? Other than the need for an emergency service, I doubt I’ll need to flag down a Hypnotherapist (HT) or a Podiatrist (DPM) out on the road.

That’s why my license plate should say Blogger (BLOG). I’m just as important, if not more so. If you need a list in an emergency, I’m your man. I can also mobilize hundreds of subscribers with the lure of a simple contest.

So are you with me bloggers? It’s time we get the respect we deserve! What could be a better start then an engraved piece of metal announcing our presence to the world.

So write your congressperson and make my dream our reality. If it’s good enough for POWs – it’s good enough for us. As failed writers plagued with ADHD - haven’t we suffered enough?

Get that candy ready, neighbors, cause I’m gonna knock on your door dressed as my favorite thing: a blog. And don’t you dare ask me what I’m supposed to be. The Feedburner chicklet painted on my forehead should give it away.

Try and hand me some Smarties or some other sugary junk that you only bought because it was on sale and watch what happens. I’ll ask for the “trick” instead of the “treat” and you’ll be stumped. You see, most homeowners never take the time to plan in case a costumed kid actually requests the “trick.” I call for a revolution. One that calls for kids turning down junk and asking for fun!

Back to my costume. It’s pretty dope.

I’ve gone with the two-column Wordpress. You know the type. It’s the one that bloggers promising to make you rich rely on. The left side of my body is pretty generic. A lot of text talking about how I’m the man and how you want to be just like me. There are a few images flush left and some random embedded media (three YouTube videos, two Scribd documents and Twitter updates). The latest Twitter reads, “Begging for candy, preferably Twizzlers.”

In case I happen to ring your bell and you’re still confused as to what I am, take a look at my left arm. Google AdSense, everywhere. Actually, it’s on my feet too. A blogger’s got to make money right? I’m thinking of adding TextLinkAds and Kontera contextual ads next year. We’ll see.

The right side of my body is blinking, just like any “make money” blog worth its salt in the blogosphere. You see, I have stacked widgets everywhere: head to toe. I need to know who’s visited my blog and from where – and I need to make that information public for the world to see. You also need to be aware of what awards I’ve won (Blogger of the Day, woo hoo!) and every single network I’m affiliated with. Let’s not forget, buried all the way on the bottom, much to their chagrin, the BlogRush widget!

The costume would not be complete without me begging for comments. Since it is a holiday and I’m so happy, I’m going to hold a little comment contest (since that area is so barren!). Leave a comment on my back and I’ll give you a chance to win the candy you gave me back! Sweet! Blog about my costume, and you’ll be entered twice!

Any guy can be Michael Myers, Freddy or Jason. Any girl can dress like a witchy whore. And any kid can be Dora or a pirate. But it takes a special person, like me, to dress up as something I truly love.

Somewhere between you dropping three pennies and a Tootsie Roll into my plastic pumpkin I will ask you to subscribe. You will. Yet when I check my stats on Sunday morning, you’ll be gone.

All I ask is that the kid down the block doesn’t show up at the Halloween party in the same costume. That would just suck. Have a safe and happy Halloween and get your own damn costume. Oh, and keep your Smarties to yourself.

One of the better things I read lately is the new hype to shut down comments on blogs. Comments like spammers shut them down because they don’t want to share link juice? No, better even.

Comments shut down because the blogger considers her/his entries much better than regular content… a bonus for the reader.

If you’re a regular reader of a weblog there is this unspoken pressure that you ought to say something. (Did someone say national de-lurker week?)
But on a site with comments disabled there is no pressure. Once you’ve read the article that’s all. The author requires nothing of the reader but to enjoy the content. There are no awkward expectations. The article is a gift.

What gift if you don’t allow interaction? Even not to tell you what I liked most about an entry?
The bonus because you think that your content is that great, but doesn’t merit, need any feedback. Or the bonus that you’re the all-knowing master of blogging and your voice is THE only way things are supposed to be. Interaction excluded. Interaction not allowed or welcome.

No public criticism allowed, unless you get some external link juice. Sadly at the same time it means you exclude the angry mob bonus from helping you when you have things wrong and someone points this out. But reactions are not allowed. How poor is that?

Pretty poor bonus if you ask me. Wait, what was the bonus actually? Oh yeah… great content. Whatevah. That’s why I have a feed reader. To not see comments, and miss out on the great reactions in comment avalanches.

Long live the era where everyone has something to say on everything. No matter if they make sense or not. Even comment free entries don’t keep me from sleeping. And entries with thousands comments don’t make me ejamaculate either, but I believe in the power of interaction!
And if one day I leave a comment on an entry, it means that I think I can add something to your conversation. The comment is a gift.

I never thought it were possible, but there actually is something positive about Facebook!

It’s perfect for catbloggers. Take people such as Calacanis and Scoble, those who pee their pants and then blog about it. We also call them A-Listers.

Advantage Numero Uno of Facebook it that it offers anything every catblogger might desire to whore out itself. The blogging narcist.
The eternal entertainer. Entertainer for people who don’t care about any value. Value other than Geek Big Brother.

The positive thing about Facebook lays in it’s platform alikeness: everything all together. It’s microblogging³.
Scoblers and Calacanis’es can import all their stuff at Facebook, without needing any other platforms, profiles anymore: blog feeds, tweets, contact details, facebook messaging can replace their email, aso. But more even, Facebook offers them picture and video upload. A blogging platform with notes and the twitter clone ‘Status updates’.
Anything a blogger needs? Facebook has, Facebook is the microblogger’s myspace. Perfect for kicking out your thoughts at anytime and apps allow you to spice them up. Facebook is a dream for the Scobles among you!

And best of all… most shite bloggers will love FB and forget their blog in the long run. Blogging soon will be for the freaks again, the people who try to add value, but your cat will have moved to FB. And so will have the Calacanis’es, because FB is much more appropriate for blogging emos to win some sympathy, than feed readers are!

Leave the blogs for the people who really spend time at entries. Maybe some day I might be part of that group!

By now everyone already knows that bloggers have a pretty exciting life! Exciting and relaxing. Just like Franky, I’m sitting here naked from the waist down and haven’t shaved for weeks.
But as if all that wasn’t enough, a Union to protect my rights, both on insurance and financial level is exactly what I still need! I want a Union! My kingdom (and the overused wheels of my office chair) for Unionized bloggers!.

Let me explain.

A blogger’s life is hard, it’s the epitome of every professionalized freelance dream. Unionized protection IS needed!
Here’s why.

Blogger’s wake up hours need to be protected
One of the biggest advantages of being a blogger is the freedom to decide my own working hours. And start working whenever I want. With the growing amount of wannabes, it becomes important to protect this advantage: no blog network owner should be allowed to impose me to publish entries before 6.00PM (my local time!)

Coffee is expensive and should be paid for by the network owner
Bloggers are notorious coffee addicts and belong, together with (web) designers, to the resident group of $tarbuck$ squatters. Both $tarbuck$ and good coffee beans are expensive. Those expenses have to be covered by the blog network owners. No coffee beans below Lavazza or Segafredo quality should be accepted. Daily at least 3 outdoor Mochaccinos should be paid for.
Every blog entry hitting the Digg/Reddit/Netscape/Techmeme front page should be rewarded with a bonus kilo of exotic Arabica coffee beans!

Fruity hardware, allowing anytime wireless access has to be provided
How can you call yourself a decent blogger if you use a box equipped with Redmond software? Of course you need the shiniest gadget, allowing you to be online at any time. You never know you might just get that stroke of genius while you’re in the middle of the pampas, far away from your internet connection. Your iPhone will save you and allow you to publish your marvelous entry at anytime. Fancy touch keyboard inclusive.
If you live outside of the distribution area of new, shiny gadgets, it’s the blog network owner’s task to hire a bunch of hackers and make sure anyone, anywhere can access and use those oh so shiny gadgets. And brag about them on their blog. Paid by the network owner of course.

Maximum working time has to be minimalized
It is important for bloggers to be allowed to whip out quick and dirty entries. Entries that only need 4 minutes of work, proofreading inclusive. Actually, the maximum time devoted to an entry should be limited to 4 minutes. If a blogger wants to work longer at an entry, this should only be goodwill-based, not expected.

At least 200 social contacts has to be provided by the network owner
To make sure that bloggers have enough of distraction and IM noise, every network owner has to provide at least 200 active social contacts to newly hired contributors. Minimum 40% of those contacts voluntarily have to cyber on cam whenever the blogger feels the need to go dirty!

Travel equipment and expenses have to be paid for.
Being the overactive, glued to the office chair or couch, blogging species we are, I demand that every 3 months a new set of pillows and ‘soft wheels’ for my office chair and couch are provided. More experienced bloggers will get a new duvet and new bedding every 6 months.

It is obvious that we bloggers, freelance contractors, special working requirements have and those need to be protected by our future Union!
Furthermore, we shall continue to enjoy the right to decide ourselves not to work under a certain rate/entry. But that… that’s a freedom we already have.
Maybe we can oblige blog network owners to include links to at least 5 of our own sites as well. On every network blog of course!

Please give me that Union now! Let my own voice, personality and (in)competence be oppressed (protected) by the strong voice of an Union, putting everyone on the same level. Obviously Union leaders will be the best paid ones among us

For a more serious take on the topic, go read Jeremy Wright’s view on the economics of unionized blogging.

Way too often lately have I read pro blogs. Blogs trying to teach me what to do and how to behave. But wasn’t blogging all about getting rif of my monthly male PMS cramps and telling people what I really think about them?

I really thought that was what blogging was about. And luckily, bad ass par excellence, Loren Feldman, AKA vlogging sell out #1, proved my right.

Take those wise words from the guy who endorsed a struggling and controversial multimedia network, only on the promise he’ld earn more than he did in the old YouTube days.
So, how come, his excellence, hasn’t called out struggling popularity h0 [tag]Scoble[/tag] yet?

Scoble, the grey corporate blogging Eminence, nowadays publicly hunting for a job at Facebook. Or if that would fail a job as public facebook apps sell out.

Loren, if somehow you care about what blogging is about, calling out people, you have to be consequent. And call out [tag]Scoble[/tag], even if only for his inconsistency in his statements.