If you’re still trying to work out that bloggers union deal, especially the ‘work from home work out’ $tarbuck$ part of the contract, and finances are rather limited and you don’t manage it to squat days long that posh franchise with the thousands varieties of coffee-imitations… fear not.
Especially not if you’re UK based.

McDonalds comes to your rescue. Starting today.

With the launch of free Wi-Fi access in McDonald’s restaurants from Monday, we can provide the ultimate work break for UK employees to conveniently access the worldwide web. From the comfort of our restaurants, Brits will be able to come out of hiding and surf freely, for free.
[emphasis: waldorf]

I can perfectly imagine how it will feel to blog from home, sat on a hard wooden bench with a clinical table, fries and a tray in front of me. Not to mention the oh so del.icio.us iceberg salad and in ketchup drenched cucumbers falling on my keyboard. No, I don’t want my menu to be maximized, but do you have a power outlet where I can plug in? And maybe a cushion too, because those benches are so comfortable.

Soon coming near to you, 4 Dell equipped bloggers, hosted on blogspot, downloading their free music thanks to McDonalds FreeFi and Ronald ‘Beta’ McDonald 2.0.

Little by little I noticed that the once so-popular and hyped Facebook platform has turned in to a perfect spam box, spam with friendly greetings of… your friends.

Day after day my mailbox is flooded with spam messages, clickthrough messages, every time requiring me to visit the FB website. Sometimes just to read a message or discover that someone has added a picture. Basically the same thing I would have discovered anyway, when trying to follow my friend. That is whenever I log in. Daily actually.

And when I log in… then I am greeted by another spam box, the requests.
A little more than 24 hours of facebox absence generated this nice list, as seen in the screenshot at the right. This list obliging me to go on and on with my rant, because the screenshot is more than 700 pixel high. 700+ Pixels of useless spam, cyberwaste waiting to be added to the list of 32 applications I already have installed. And don’t use except for 4 or 5.

A never-ending list of applications, because most of time someone has been flirting cybervirtually flirting, more than just poke, and I HAVE TO add the application to see what they gossiped about me or check if they gave me a slippery banana or a wet nipple growing in my garden to produce endless bread for the rest of my life as a pirate bitten by zombies who lost the battle against the ninjas.

Not to forget the many notifications landing in my so conventional mailbox, because XXX wants me to add a slideshow to my facebox profile… just because she is too damn lazy to click the link to my flickr account in my facebook profile. sigh

Luckily facebox can be rather satisfying, ego-galaxy-stroking even, too… because right now I am… see the second screenshot.
If only they would have spammed me to let me know that!

Disclosure always has been the horse to beat to death among bloggers. Bloggers, especially probloggers (whatever that is), are supposed to be honest, beg and warn you every time they want to make some money on your back that they actually could make money if you are no greedy all for free internaut.

Finally, I’ll come clear with things here and agree with the Master, Shoemoney.

You should assume everything written on this blog is a lie. You should assume I have motivation for linking to everything on this page and will benefit from it somehow.

To be entirely honest honest with you…

I assume you know that I everything I write on this page, I will benefit from it somehow.

Yup, that is correct. I can already see those $ signs in your eyes, but forget it! Being a Jack has some advantages! See, I’m a muppet, I can write what I want here. I can rant & rave. Even at your expense.

As long as I disclose. And I think disclosure doesn’t go far enough yet. Also Jacks and Muppets should disclose [their relations]. And best thing to do that, is the lovely XFN code.

XFN™ (XHTML Friends Network) is a simple way to represent human relationships using hyperlinks. In recent years, blogs and blogrolls have become the fastest growing area of the Web. XFN enables web authors to indicate their relationship(s) to the people in their blogrolls simply by adding a ‘rel’ attribute to their <a href> tags

On a side note, XFN also is the perfect way to get screwed in your search engine rankings, but I digress.
To be entirely honest, I think XFN is for netiquette wussies. Those who believe that the web only consists of hugging cybergenes and cuddling cyberDNAstrings. But one of the best things online always were the flames. What is funnier than sit back and enjoy a great flame war and Wikipedia or Usenet.

But what about disclosure?

• rel=”useless”
• rel=”wannabe”
• rel=”whiner”
• rel=”wussy”

Of course no limitations are set, but when disclosing… better do it consequently.

Lets be honest, things can’t get better than this can they? First you get YouTube, MySpace and Youtube (both things to forget as soon as possible), but then the real platforms launch and they generate some brilliant content.
Forget about the Scobles, Arringtons and Calacanis’s, today it’s all about Valleywag and anonymous twitterers.

Forget even FSJ, this is brilliant. A striking and snarky analysis what exactly is going on on the internet:

Q to Session 2 – would any of the panelists use the apps they have seen today? Not one “yes”

Despite grounbreaking advancements in search technology, I still can’t find a female in this room.

wow…you would think the techcrunch40 web site would not have DDoS just because Arrington is on stage

Having spent a few moments with the 40 list, I am not sure how I feel right now to think we didn’t make the top40.

This is live reporting, interesting live reporting! A worthy Cowboy!
[via Valleywag.]

Although our bestest [sic] friend, Scoble, himself declares that he finally created a piece of great media and there’s not much I can do other than agree. He finally updated his blog with some fun great media. Actually, the focus of his blog has changed and Scoble now officially is a daddy blogger

But back to the great media.
I lied. Somehow.

Scoble wasn’t really the creator of that sublime piece of new media, more the producer or publisher. Screw all that, actually he just was doing what he does best: interviewing someone. But this time, the whole interview part was a master piece!

Scoble didn’t say a word!

Now that’s what I call great media!

The awesome interview? It’s a Twittergram of his new born son, Milan.
Brilliant media!

One of the better things I read lately is the new hype to shut down comments on blogs. Comments like spammers shut them down because they don’t want to share link juice? No, better even.

Comments shut down because the blogger considers her/his entries much better than regular content… a bonus for the reader.

If you’re a regular reader of a weblog there is this unspoken pressure that you ought to say something. (Did someone say national de-lurker week?)
But on a site with comments disabled there is no pressure. Once you’ve read the article that’s all. The author requires nothing of the reader but to enjoy the content. There are no awkward expectations. The article is a gift.

What gift if you don’t allow interaction? Even not to tell you what I liked most about an entry?
The bonus because you think that your content is that great, but doesn’t merit, need any feedback. Or the bonus that you’re the all-knowing master of blogging and your voice is THE only way things are supposed to be. Interaction excluded. Interaction not allowed or welcome.

No public criticism allowed, unless you get some external link juice. Sadly at the same time it means you exclude the angry mob bonus from helping you when you have things wrong and someone points this out. But reactions are not allowed. How poor is that?

Pretty poor bonus if you ask me. Wait, what was the bonus actually? Oh yeah… great content. Whatevah. That’s why I have a feed reader. To not see comments, and miss out on the great reactions in comment avalanches.

Long live the era where everyone has something to say on everything. No matter if they make sense or not. Even comment free entries don’t keep me from sleeping. And entries with thousands comments don’t make me ejamaculate either, but I believe in the power of interaction!
And if one day I leave a comment on an entry, it means that I think I can add something to your conversation. The comment is a gift.

One of the things about blogging I never understood is networking. What’s up with every one always networking and losing valuable time building their profiles? Why do people whore themselves out on sites such as Facebook, Linked In and many more?

If I were a blogger, I’m sure I would have other things to do than poke, stump and throw food at other bloggers on Facebook.
Admitted Linked In actually can be useful, but honestly… building profile just takes too much time away from the important things. Activities such as learning how to blog, monetize, leverage new blog launches, improve SEO knowledge (PDF) or leave insightful comments on other blogs. And obviously reading the whole echo chamber collection.

But networking? Honestly, I couldn’t care less. Quality always will come out, sometimes it takes more time than one had hoped, but I’d rather be an unknown blogger with 4 regulars than a$$ kisser.

The only thing I need now, is quality.

I never thought it were possible, but there actually is something positive about Facebook!

It’s perfect for catbloggers. Take people such as Calacanis and Scoble, those who pee their pants and then blog about it. We also call them A-Listers.

Advantage Numero Uno of Facebook it that it offers anything every catblogger might desire to whore out itself. The blogging narcist.
The eternal entertainer. Entertainer for people who don’t care about any value. Value other than Geek Big Brother.

The positive thing about Facebook lays in it’s platform alikeness: everything all together. It’s microblogging³.
Scoblers and Calacanis’es can import all their stuff at Facebook, without needing any other platforms, profiles anymore: blog feeds, tweets, contact details, facebook messaging can replace their email, aso. But more even, Facebook offers them picture and video upload. A blogging platform with notes and the twitter clone ‘Status updates’.
Anything a blogger needs? Facebook has, Facebook is the microblogger’s myspace. Perfect for kicking out your thoughts at anytime and apps allow you to spice them up. Facebook is a dream for the Scobles among you!

And best of all… most shite bloggers will love FB and forget their blog in the long run. Blogging soon will be for the freaks again, the people who try to add value, but your cat will have moved to FB. And so will have the Calacanis’es, because FB is much more appropriate for blogging emos to win some sympathy, than feed readers are!

Leave the blogs for the people who really spend time at entries. Maybe some day I might be part of that group!

By now everyone already knows that bloggers have a pretty exciting life! Exciting and relaxing. Just like Franky, I’m sitting here naked from the waist down and haven’t shaved for weeks.
But as if all that wasn’t enough, a Union to protect my rights, both on insurance and financial level is exactly what I still need! I want a Union! My kingdom (and the overused wheels of my office chair) for Unionized bloggers!.

Let me explain.

A blogger’s life is hard, it’s the epitome of every professionalized freelance dream. Unionized protection IS needed!
Here’s why.

Blogger’s wake up hours need to be protected
One of the biggest advantages of being a blogger is the freedom to decide my own working hours. And start working whenever I want. With the growing amount of wannabes, it becomes important to protect this advantage: no blog network owner should be allowed to impose me to publish entries before 6.00PM (my local time!)

Coffee is expensive and should be paid for by the network owner
Bloggers are notorious coffee addicts and belong, together with (web) designers, to the resident group of $tarbuck$ squatters. Both $tarbuck$ and good coffee beans are expensive. Those expenses have to be covered by the blog network owners. No coffee beans below Lavazza or Segafredo quality should be accepted. Daily at least 3 outdoor Mochaccinos should be paid for.
Every blog entry hitting the Digg/Reddit/Netscape/Techmeme front page should be rewarded with a bonus kilo of exotic Arabica coffee beans!

Fruity hardware, allowing anytime wireless access has to be provided
How can you call yourself a decent blogger if you use a box equipped with Redmond software? Of course you need the shiniest gadget, allowing you to be online at any time. You never know you might just get that stroke of genius while you’re in the middle of the pampas, far away from your internet connection. Your iPhone will save you and allow you to publish your marvelous entry at anytime. Fancy touch keyboard inclusive.
If you live outside of the distribution area of new, shiny gadgets, it’s the blog network owner’s task to hire a bunch of hackers and make sure anyone, anywhere can access and use those oh so shiny gadgets. And brag about them on their blog. Paid by the network owner of course.

Maximum working time has to be minimalized
It is important for bloggers to be allowed to whip out quick and dirty entries. Entries that only need 4 minutes of work, proofreading inclusive. Actually, the maximum time devoted to an entry should be limited to 4 minutes. If a blogger wants to work longer at an entry, this should only be goodwill-based, not expected.

At least 200 social contacts has to be provided by the network owner
To make sure that bloggers have enough of distraction and IM noise, every network owner has to provide at least 200 active social contacts to newly hired contributors. Minimum 40% of those contacts voluntarily have to cyber on cam whenever the blogger feels the need to go dirty!

Travel equipment and expenses have to be paid for.
Being the overactive, glued to the office chair or couch, blogging species we are, I demand that every 3 months a new set of pillows and ‘soft wheels’ for my office chair and couch are provided. More experienced bloggers will get a new duvet and new bedding every 6 months.

It is obvious that we bloggers, freelance contractors, special working requirements have and those need to be protected by our future Union!
Furthermore, we shall continue to enjoy the right to decide ourselves not to work under a certain rate/entry. But that… that’s a freedom we already have.
Maybe we can oblige blog network owners to include links to at least 5 of our own sites as well. On every network blog of course!

Please give me that Union now! Let my own voice, personality and (in)competence be oppressed (protected) by the strong voice of an Union, putting everyone on the same level. Obviously Union leaders will be the best paid ones among us

For a more serious take on the topic, go read Jeremy Wright’s view on the economics of unionized blogging.

Way too often lately have I read pro blogs. Blogs trying to teach me what to do and how to behave. But wasn’t blogging all about getting rif of my monthly male PMS cramps and telling people what I really think about them?

I really thought that was what blogging was about. And luckily, bad ass par excellence, Loren Feldman, AKA vlogging sell out #1, proved my right.

Take those wise words from the guy who endorsed a struggling and controversial multimedia network, only on the promise he’ld earn more than he did in the old YouTube days.
So, how come, his excellence, hasn’t called out struggling popularity h0 [tag]Scoble[/tag] yet?

Scoble, the grey corporate blogging Eminence, nowadays publicly hunting for a job at Facebook. Or if that would fail a job as public facebook apps sell out.

Loren, if somehow you care about what blogging is about, calling out people, you have to be consequent. And call out [tag]Scoble[/tag], even if only for his inconsistency in his statements.