That’s my goal.

I cannot stoop so low that I teach everyone what you should have already memorized from Christopher Locke’s book Gonzo Marketing. If you don’t go buy that single volume, and read it today, there is just no way you’ll be able to keep up with us.

Blog Media is not sluggish.

Let me just rip out my freaking brain and wring it dead bone dry…just for YOU so YOU can be more SUCCESSFUL than us. Yes. You heard right. Blog Media doesn’t wish to tower above you or anybody but our accursed enemies and anyone who has the gall to get in our way. WE DEVOUR and spit out the bones later.

How To Know If You Are
An Enemy of A Jack of All Blogs:

(1) You feel intimidated by the constant flow of Insanely Perferct Marketing rivers of pure and practical information.

(2) You’re frightened of my zeal, persistence, idealism, ethical anarchy energy, and bad teeth.

(3) You hate how my foul language smells when your fingers see it.

(4) You just don’t get it.

(5) You’re still “waiting for something to happen” at A Jack of All Blogs, but you’ve got it backwards: you do shit, then we tear it down and curse you for wasting our time.

(6) You long for the good old days of calm, impoverished, unknown Vaspers the Grate, the eccentric absurdity of Web 80 million Point Oh.

(7) You pine away looking at Vaspers posts from early 2004 and wish he still sounded that stilted, unsure, and panicky.

(8) You suspect that the harsh, abrasive lullabyes of Ambassador 21, Noize Punishment, and Atari Teenage Riot are rotting his brain, and in some weird way, it must feel really really really really good.

(9) You are frightened of his taste in music, his new “friends” called scary names that seem to coincide with the devil, or at least Dracula in his worst mood.

(10) You think you can hide in your nice safe standard template blog, with “Edit-Me”s in the fricking “blogroll”, like a total moron who knows AND CARES nothing about HTML, CSS, web standards, accessibility, usability, credibility, readability, scanability, feasability, creativity, or durability. But WE DO CARE about all that shit. You hideous mediocre loser.

(11) You feel threatened with non-existence and oblivion when comparing your blogs to ours.

(12) You have no financial teeth or brains, like we do in abundance.

(1) Publish 12 to 20 or as high as 50 posts per day on each blog in your stable.

Once you do that for a while, I’ll hit you with an even more outrageous PROVEN online advertising and sales technology that I invented.

I will NOT tone down, back off, chill out, or fade away.

I want big fat mountains of money, and so do you. Don’t try to fool us with sanctimonious drivel about being “happy without any money” or other mindfuck follies.

WE want big houses, blog cruises, celebrations every day, every CD by every band we ever vaguely heard of, and all the books ever written by Maurice Blanchot, Jacques Lacan, Freud, Cluetrain authors, Seth Godin, John Battelle, Jeremy Wright, Robert Scoble, and Harry Potter the Satanic Fart Swallower.

WE want cute girls with big [hearts] and tight [ropes] and fat [wallets] and juicy [bank accounts] and easy [access to accounts] and filthy [lucre] and lusty [checkbooks] to join us and help.

I will leak a secret here, a code word there, and as you pick up the pieces Xanga, you’ll want to tag your comment for a feed scraper.

Go do it now.

Maximum Income from Doing Next to Nothing

Chant that fiery slogan until your voice is as hoarse as mine.

Thanks. We shall overcome impoverishment and deprivation!! BELIEVE!!

Join OUR blog cult…and NO OTHER

FOLLOW Blog Media and David Krug and A Jack of All Blogs~~~~and NO OTHER!!

There are many things we need to do to construct this Super Blog Empire consisting of various alignments and hubs. Your specialty blog fits in with the Insane Marketing Power principles we all vowed to uphold, and even die for, working and slaving ourselves to death, if need be.

I’d rather die for a solid, realistic, struggling company, than for a vague, superficial, political fantasy.

As my mentors, idols, and role models (The Three Non-lethargics) spur me eve onward, upward, and skyward, we naturally experience some dizziness, vertigo, or muscle soreness. Our tonsils are enflamed with triumphant screechings. Our arms are outstretched and flapping excitedly toward distant yearnings and year end earnings.

Many astonishing new methods are swarming around the decayed corpse of the felled corporate colossus. Easy pickings for those with discriminating tastes in victor bashing. All is well that ends well for us. And since it certainly shall end favorably for our team of genius accountants, merchandisers, marketers, ad sellers, and ecommerce metrics analysts, you ought to take The Vaspers Vow and get in on the explosion.

When a certain method is not currently feasible here at A Jack of All Blogs, I will present and display the innovation at one of my other websites, typically Vaspers the Grate or Deep Blog Research.

What I can’t do here, I do there.

That way, you get to see everything. Then you can pick and choose which methods seem right for you and your individual sales situation.

We Stoop To Conquer

(0) The introductory slogan:

“Wild. Hateful. New.”

(1) The first stone for the fountain:

“Overnight Miracle Marketing”.

(2) The second pillar of faith:

“Harvesting the Buying Habits of Frequent Spenders.”

(3) The third nail in impoverishment’s coffin:

“Miserably Servile Customer Pampering”.

ADIOS, Amigo!

With these $4$ principles in action at all times, we cannot help but win the mighty war looming before us…

Get off your mediocre ass and enrich my blogs with your dopey remarks…or I’ll sick my sister Girlspoke on you, and she likes to hurt, inflict pain, on herself and others.

http://girlspoke.com

(1) Goal

Ask yourself why you are trying so damn hard and long to build an online community? What will you do with it once you’ve got the members? Marching orders? Activism project trajectories. Sales objectives. United pressure on unethical players who get in your way. Comment swarms against detractors of group advances.

(2) Design

Develop the social media tool that works best for your purposes and audience. Make the site easy to skim and scan. Use appropriate usability colors. Create artistic beauty and prestige appearance. An ugly, sleazy, or amateurish site will sell nothing.

(3) Spirit

What is the driving force that animates everything? How is that conveyed in policies and logos?

(4) Fire

Fire those without fire.

(5) Loyalty Power

Get rid of anyone who is sandbagging, skeptical beyond realistic limits, questioning and debating to avoid the drudgery required to make any dream come true. Eliminate naysayers and shy, nervous, paranoid, worry warts. Dismiss interminable debaters, fancy pants speculators floating on whimsy, strife makers, gossips, loose lips, braggarts, and managerial types.

(6) Act Swiftly

Move like lightning on every idea clawing its way to the top of consciousness.

Strike while the iron is HOT Even if YOU are NOT

(7) Install all appropriate Increasing Returns Sales Loops.

(8) Configure all dynamic feedback boosters to “zero to infinity in no seconds”.

(9) CELEBRATE as you sit back, do next to nothing, and let your pollers, botswarms and digi-agendas do the work.

To All (Except Chris Ritke, who is already 2 steps ahead of me):

Ramp it up. Goose yourselves to be an overachiever. Get off your fat lazy mediocre asses and Do Something other than waste air.

DAMN…I am sick, in fact, I am just about fed up with everyone.

What about this? who does that? is that legal? why do you want them to think that?

All these nitpicky questions, and no one seeing the blue sky of my idea shining like rubies on rails, polishing our faces like Ajax cleanser.

I say I’m going to do an experiment, then I astonish you when I describe it. “Why doesn’t everyone do that, if it’s so easy and obvious?” you ask dumbfounded at the laser sharp precisions. Then I explain why. You are shocked again. You ask about legalities, I respond with the adherences. It is perfect in every way.

But still, you grimace. You spit on my carpet as though it were sand and tell me it sounds too good to be true. You want to keep arguing and discussing and anything …. but work on making it happen. Nice. Thanks for nothing Stan, Pam, Vicky, Roland, Jeff, Tall Greg, Paul, the other Paul, and Jim.

You pajoolies are acting like YOU HATE MONEY.

You talk about being “tired”, “skeptical”, “cautious”, “uninspired”, “too busy”, or “fearful of failure”. You know what I think? I think you’re already dead. You have no ambition, no meaning, no drive.

You excuse your morbid fear of rejection and success by hiding behind a phoney reserve. You pick and find fault and are oh so quick to get snippy and uppity. I am hitting a raw nerve. It’s not about healthy cynicism, it’s all about narcissistic inertia. You love the little morsel you chanced upon, and will not hear of golden streets and mountains of diamonds. You prefer your impoverished comfort zones.

You condemn ambition and striving as “greed”, “lunatic”, or “violent”. You want to hold others back, so you can look average, when you are sub sub sub sub human. No fire in the soul. Cold, rubber lemmings racing over the cliff.

If it’s just me and David Krug, so be it.

If Chris Locke, Chris Ritke, Evan Williams, John Battelle, and many others join, we’ll be that much stronger and richer.

I have spent nearly three years studying, making, promoting, revising, testing, marketing, and implementing blogs for myself and many others. Now it’s candy time. Now the sweetness of victory beckons. I see it, can’t you? That flicker that is yawning and sucking everything into the maelstrom of its overwhelming vortex? That is my mind, burning with radioactively infectious ideas for becoming rich…

...without doing much of anything.

A few keystrokes. Done. Rich.

You think I’m fooling? Then you can leave now and never return. All budding Judases can also go.

I am sick of living in obscurity and fussing with clients.

I want to start doing close to nothing and getting paid for it. Let my prestigious ads of gigantic corporations pull in the revenue insanely.

Like #1 Business Guru TOM PETERS is always saying:

Fire your safe routiners. Hire more whackos.
Fire your cautious advisers. Hire more visionaries.
Fire your stable people. Hire more obsessives.

We need Insane Fire of Truth and Commercial Power to move forward…or be buried by sane, normal others.

~~”Wild. Hateful. New.”~~

Super conqueror Awasu feed readers kick some serious butt. I have more testing to do, but as a seasoned beta buff, let me tell you, this thing kicked the ass of the Avant Browser feed aggregator and the Wizz of Firefox.

The little compact Japanese RSS feeder ate those other aggs for breakfast. It CANNOT be outscraped!

Awasu finds or assembles a syndication feed of just about any updated data anywhere on the web.

Awasu = “join together, unite, combine, connect, add up, check with”.

It’s the “check with” that let’s you know it’s an aggragator. The “add up” refers to, not only accumulating feeds as you define them, but also adding up what code could be re-configured as a feed, the phenemenon of “feedscraping”, like scraping the bottom of the chocolate frosting can. Now you, especially women, will remember exactly what “feedscraping” really is.

RSS/Atom
Personal-Advance-Professional

Channels: 100-200-unlimited (unltd.)
Channel Updates: 1 x hr. – 1×30 min. – 1×5 minutes
SSL (https://) Feeds: no – yes – yes
Authenticated Feeds: no – yes – yes
Expiring Channels: no – yes – yes
Channel Filters: 5 – 20 – 20
Channel Favorites: 5 – 2- 20
Archive Old Feeds: 1 month – 6 month – unltd.
Advanced Search: yes – yes – yes
Search Agents: 3 – 10 -unltd.
Search Channels: no – no – yes
Plugin Channels: 3 – unltd. – unltd.
Channel Hooks: 3 – unltd. – unltd.
SOAP/XSLT Channels: no – 5 – unltd.
Workpads: 1 – 5 – unltd.
Channel Reports: 5 – 20 – 20
FTP Channel Reports: no – yes – yes
Auto-generate Channel Reports: no- yes – yes
Synchronization: basic – advanced – advanced
Podcast Management: basic – extended – advanced
User Tools: 10 – 20 – 20
Sidebar: no – yes – yes

I dare you to find a more kick ass botswarm…anywhere…as FREEware~~~!

Now I want you to humor me for a moment.

Pretend I am not the obscure and idiotic “vaspers the grate”. Pretend I’m, well, er…you. When you hear my words bounce from the pseudo-paper of the computer screen page, and see what they mean, then you, dear friend, deep down in your well—you are READY!

For what?

Overnight Miracle Marketing
at Blog Media

INTRO: Face it manifesto eaters. We have to speed things up around here. Rimbaud did not burn down poetry in one century, it took only a few minutes. We must ape Rimbaud, my great grandfather Howard Streight, the mediumistic speed painter of Christopher Locke’s hauntings in dim times past. I sprinkle little gems of genius insanity, and you watch them sparkle like tears dropping into a callous and uncaring sea.

If you wish to have more information on Blog Media’s experimental revolutionary Overnight Miracle Marketing, contact us ONLY by depositing a comment here. NO EMAILS to either Streight, Leopoldi (haven’t you pummeled him enough? on suicide watch now, thanks a lot Carrie Snell of Omnamaste blog~~~!), David Krug, Girlspoke, Jason Calacanis, Matt Mullenweg, Robert Scoble, John C. Dvorak, Debbie Weil, Paul Woodhouse, or Cybergal, will produce the desired effect of flagging our attention. But Streight may also have a proclivity to begin to gradually, and secretly, send his MindBots against you. He is the world’s first Mental Spammer.

While we Wait For Steven To Recover from whatever extraterrestial drugs and moon voodoo he was exposed to, we feel certain he or his ghost will come through for you, and post his unique brand of psycho-blogging.

~The Landlords and Management Types
Who Oversee the Insanity/Timidity of
Mental Patient Marketing Guru Steven Streight~

~”Wild. Hateful.New.”~

_{Overnight Miracle Marketing}

I spoke with Christopher Locke on the phone tonight for an hour, and I am now completely and totally insane, with no turning back. He filled my poor swollen head with so many new and explosively perfect ideas, I’m still dizzy from beholding the Gonzo Marketing/Cluetrain beauty and riches of them, especially, peoples:

RICHES.

Wait till you see what happens next. Today was the last day of the worst of this blogger’s life. David Krug and I also spoke of many things, on Google Chat. We are about to break all the laws of blog networking and blog network promotions.

YOU want a successful blog network, empire, or dominion in your niche or universally?

FOLLOW US at Blog Media and A Jack of All Blogs.

FOLLOW US...and no one else~~~!

IF YOU DARE. Those who hate instant money need not bother.