It’s all about the page views baby! JOAB Labs recent email said

“We are pushing our way to over a gazillion pageviews a week from senseless Google Zurchers. We are now at a point we should do something major to knock off the other blog networks. Hmmm. What should we do? We could buy a major blog, overhaul it redesign. Buy another blog redesign kick more ass. etc etc. etc. Hmmm interesting. Nahhh. How about we just buy a big mac and sit down and blog for awhile. “

You may have noticed Cowboy has had to shut up lately. That’s because said investor told him to shut the fuck up or else we will pull your fucking money off the table. Now Cowboy realized the importance of getting said money from said investor. So he inserted sock into mouth and shut the fuck up.

Cowboy wanted me to tell you that he is busy working hanging out with the uber cool, lets just say he interviewed some of the following cool and not so cool people in the recent and near futuristic time zones:

President Bush, Amanda Congdon, Peter Rojas, Brian Clark, and Andy Rooney, Chartreuse Beta, MC Hammer, and Tyme White.

So he’s been busy. He’d like to thank you his faithful readers for putting up with me, Kleinsasser for my insulting jokes towards humanity. Cowboy wanted me to pass on a list of things you should know about Angel Investors before you say sure to the Money.

1) Getting money means losing control
2) Money is evil
3) Money equals power
4) Money makes some people jealous
5) The Blog Herald was expensive
6) Our Next Purchase will be more expensive
7) Strippers are also expensive think of all the strippers blogherald.com would have paid for
New Media Empires are like broken wheelchairs (no punch line)

I don’t understand any of that but he said you would. So whatever. Enjoy.

For four minutes and 21 seconds we were the number 1 blog on 43Blogs, a ranking site so ingenius Cowboy probably thought it up after a late night drinking party with Vaspers.

Other famous people to make the list included Darren Rowse, Jeremy Wright, Duncan Riley, Paul Scrivens, Jim Kukral, Nick Wilson, Bobby “My Nipple is Showing” Scoble, Mike “WTF is Edgeio?” Arrington, and the entire staff of Flock Sucks. Too bad Im too lazy to link to all of you guys. Dude these guys have huge egos. All of you Blogging A and B Listers. Is blogging just about how big your well umm your Digg is? Seriously where are the sane women who run blogging networks?

Shit you better watch out. I heard BlogMedia Inc hired a few women.

From a friendly reader:

After their latest round of cleaning up the content, 9rules was desperate to add to their quality content network by adding The Deal Log to the 9rules Indie Content Network. The Deal Log is run by Admin a guru of the best kinds who appears to be an expert on well things like PlayBoy Products. Sure am glad 9rules is a family friendly place. I wouldn’t want my kids stumble bumbling onto things like adult content, or other evil products produced by those BlogMedia Inc folks.

Bear with me folks I have no idea what a 9rules is, or what a blog network is. So if you flame my comments I may run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Cowboy still hasn’t sent me the CommentFirst software that Rundle uses to comment first all over the internet. Once he does I will calm the fuck down.

Other 9rules fodder from our readers

9rules will begin profit sharing from its Landscaping Store with its proud members, just as soon as they finish launching 9rules Poland and Denmark.

My only question is how about a 9rules Hasidim for us Jewish New Yorkers badly in need of high quality content?

According to Reuters Jeeves, the flagship spokesman for Ask.com has been let go by the InterActiveCorp the parent company of Ask.com. We contacted Jeeves’ agent but Jeeves was not available for comment.

Ask.com has also sped up the web search by outsourcing the search engine to an Indonesian factory worker named Phutan. Jeeves was constantly slacking on the job reports his former boss Nigel Jones, who headed up the Ask.com Search Engine. Apparently it was one of those deals that Ask.com/IAC had been unhappy with Jeeves for a long time but did not have the balls to actually let the poor British bloke go because the unemployement insurance rates are so ridiculous that they had to sell off a bit of Google stock to pay for it.

This is how the schntizel crumbles.

Cowboy invades B5Media and steals The Blog Herald. Well. Sort of that’s his side of the story. And we all know Cowboy has a slant all his own. We’ve all come to love it, and some of you even hate it.

Cowboy has an eye, and a vision according to each time I have seen him. He is an eloquent speaker but a horrible speller. He is truly a visionary. One you will love to meet if you ever get a chance. Poor Sap hangs out in a tea house in some ungodly burrough. Now he hardly even blogs. Handles business movements. Recently Cowboy relayed the following story:

I had my eye out for a good, umm great blog. But it was in the hands of the other guys, the ones who well notoriously known for being too sensitive when I post horrible evil comments about them. But I befriended one of their own, another Cowboy of sorts. Duncan Riley, the Australian Outlaw. The snarkiest dude around besides well err me. Yeah Im an arrogant bastard. I watched in angst when the first sale went round and round. Knowing we were in on the bidding and yet not having quite enough cash. We were a truckload of peso’s short. This time around I auctioned off my dad’s train whistle, my Michael Jordan Rookie Card, and Girlspoke’s load of secrets on ebay. Still it wasn’t quite good enough. So I picked up the phone and called The BlogMedia Inc Posse and a few relatives,friends, and gold miners. It was a dandy. We managed to pull in just enough loot to close the deal without having to call in a second round of Venture Capitalists. I had to promise to give up blogging, and to just work behind the scenes and be a good boy, so I agreed.

I stayed in the background while the investors took their shot at winning the Sitepoint Auction. It wasn’t looking so hot. Not sure why but the deal was looking to find a place in the history books as yet another auction I lost. So I picked up the GTalk and sounded out to my fellow outlaw Duncan Riley and placed a private round of talks. It was fun, It was late at night when I should have been sleeping. Umm, very much like right now. We tugged and we prodded and in the end…... I fell asleep not knowing full well that the deal would be struck although we did handshake on it via Gtalk. At last it was finished. The deal was struck. But my Michael Jordan basketball card was gone. And so was my famous Train Whistle. But atleast I still get to read the Blog Herald and not weap as much had it been turned into a political blog. This was one scenario that one bidder had in mind. Anyhow that’s all I have to say on this.

So yes Cowboy, and BlogMedia Inc. saved the blogosphere from yet another sell out. Thank God for Cowboy’s and the Wild Wild West. I have big shoes to fill. But I think I have a great teacher in Cowboy. He’s wise beyond his years. And well he’s damn good looking to. But what would I know. I wear a big black hat and violate the sacred rules of the Torah and the Sabbath.

Coverage of the Storm:
The Blog Herald, Blog Network Watch, ProBlogging,College Startup

First off this site receives a lot of traffic, when I say a lot most it is confusing to me. As I see no value in it. Most people come here looking for something. And well they usually don’t find it. The majority of our traffic is Googlicious however we have a lot of people here looking for blogging news with witty commentary. I however have no humor, and no understanding of blogging, the blog networks, or this web 2.0 thing you all keep talking about. I however do understand good text creation and the ability to entertain through simple internetworking.

With the Cowboy’s permission he is allowing me to turn his great and marvelous uberhut into a site focused on following the blogosphere’s uber elitist crowd and how to become the internet’s next A-Lister. Due to the recent snafublogger who was blogging here, I am not allowed to post any snark. No humor and no real commentary. I must never make fun of any other blog networks, cults, or people who wear funny hats. (like my fellow Hasidim). I must never ever reference the 10-1rules Network or make any jokes directed at them.

In fact I am not even allowed to speak the word blog in the BlogMedia Inc. Offices at any point in time even though it is in the title of the company. I am allowed however to talk about the upcoming apocalypse, and the fact that I believe that I am the Messiah. So next week when all returns to semi-normal around here we will talk about the beginnings of the blogs and how that relates to the upcoming apocalypse, and how the death of blogging means that more and more time will be used surfing 1980’s World Almanacs.

So folks have a good weekend and until next time…

This is how the schnitzel crumbles.