Prediction: People Will Die on Black Friday
Another Black Friday is almost upon us. Only in a capitalist society would a shopping day following a holiday get more attention than the holiday ahead of it.
Hey, if people want to get excited for ‘doorbusters’ that will save them $25 on a flat-panel TV, that’s their prerogative. However, each year I make a prediction, and that guess is that people will die on Black Friday, a result of shopping mayhem.
Will this be the year that I’m right?
Sure looks like the odds are in my favor (though this is a bet I want to lose). Stores are opening long before the sun comes up, meaning bleary-eyed drivers, fresh out of tryptophan comas will be taking to desolate roads. Not a good combo.
Then there’s the big-box retailer stampede risk. Ten-dollar-an-hour workers expected to hold back droves of bargain-hungry shoppers. Throw in a few under-skilled store security guards and the headline writes itself.
I’m also amazed that the criminals of the world don’t use these come-early, stay-late store hours to their advantage. Who knows who is lurking in the dark at a shopping mall parking lot near you. And speaking of lots, these might be the biggest hazard of them all. Angry shoppers all jockeying to park closest to the entrance. God bless America!
The struggling economy will have people more desperate than ever to give their wallet a respite. The question is, will the savings come at the ultimate price? Let’s hope not.
I for one will be holding out for Cyber Monday from the safety of my own home.
Thanks for an excellent article, Andrew! Ironically, I was coming back from an early morning bike ride on Black Friday, and took a short cut thru a Kohl’s parking lot. Ironically, and this was about 8 am, the lot was completely full of lower end cars. And there they were, clusters of working class types who were already leaving the store, lugging large bags, bundles and boxes, chock full of the terrific ‘bargains’ they had just bought. Materialism uber alles-how very sad!
Victor Kipling said this on November 29, 2009 2:17 am