Thanksgiving Has Been Cancelled
I remember when a Thanksgiving meal was a Thanksgiving meal.
Turkey. Check.
Stuffing. Check.
Cranberry sauce. Check.
But these days, everything and anything seems to be fair game (poultry pun intended).
Chickens. C’mon!
Duck. C’mon!
Tofurkey. No comment.
Listen people, I’m just as guilty as you are for watching our nation crown an Iron Chef, Top Chef and the Next Food Network Star. However, all of this fusion cooking has left us confused.
Maybe Martha Stewart learned all about Cauliflower Gratin With Endive in prison.
Or perhaps Guy Fieri wants to spread heart attacks across America with Fried Pepperoni Stuffing.
The agenda is unclear, but one thing is crystal: There is a War Against Thanksgiving.
Some claim that Christmas is under attack by religious-phobes. But I think the real target is Thanksgiving.
The fourth Thursday of November means more than a four-day weekend and monster savings. It represents tradition and family and food. Normal food. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, corn, pumpkin pie. Heck, even mince meat pie.
Perhaps things started to slide downhill in the mid 80’s with the introduction of the Turducken. For some reason, people became intrigued about a partially de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck, which itself is stuffed with a small de-boned chicken.
What was wrong with just the freakin’ turkey? It worked just fine for hundreds of years, no?
Silly me. This is America, after all. And we need to constantly make things bigger and ‘better’ than ever before. God forbid we just let things be if there’s a buck to be made.
Oh, and if the Thanksgiving madness isn’t wacky enough, what about the Jones’ holiday collection of soda? Just in time for Christmas: Christmas Ham Soda, Christmas Tree Soda, Egg Nog Soda and Sugar Plum Soda. And Hanukkah Harry isn’t left out either! Latke Soda, Apple Sauce Soda, Chocolate Coins Soda and Jelly Doughnut Soda.
My stomach hurts. I’m not sure if it’s the annoyance of the bastardization of holidays or the sweet corn salsa relish I just put on my fried ant micro green salad.
Whatever you decide to eat this holiday season, here’s to happy digestion!
What do you think?