Enter: the Invincible Blog Network
I cannot stoop so low that I teach everyone what you should have already memorized from Christopher Locke’s book Gonzo Marketing. If you don’t go buy that single volume, and read it today, there is just no way you’ll be able to keep up with us.
Blog Media is not sluggish.
Let me just rip out my freaking brain and wring it dead bone dry…just for YOU so YOU can be more SUCCESSFUL than us. Yes. You heard right. Blog Media doesn’t wish to tower above you or anybody but our accursed enemies and anyone who has the gall to get in our way. WE DEVOUR and spit out the bones later.
How To Know If You Are
An Enemy of A Jack of All Blogs:
(1) You feel intimidated by the constant flow of Insanely Perferct Marketing rivers of pure and practical information.
(2) You’re frightened of my zeal, persistence, idealism, ethical anarchy energy, and bad teeth.
(3) You hate how my foul language smells when your fingers see it.
(4) You just don’t get it.
(5) You’re still “waiting for something to happen” at A Jack of All Blogs, but you’ve got it backwards: you do shit, then we tear it down and curse you for wasting our time.
(6) You long for the good old days of calm, impoverished, unknown Vaspers the Grate, the eccentric absurdity of Web 80 million Point Oh.
(7) You pine away looking at Vaspers posts from early 2004 and wish he still sounded that stilted, unsure, and panicky.
(8) You suspect that the harsh, abrasive lullabyes of Ambassador 21, Noize Punishment, and Atari Teenage Riot are rotting his brain, and in some weird way, it must feel really really really really good.
(9) You are frightened of his taste in music, his new “friends” called scary names that seem to coincide with the devil, or at least Dracula in his worst mood.
(10) You think you can hide in your nice safe standard template blog, with “Edit-Me”s in the fricking “blogroll”, like a total moron who knows AND CARES nothing about HTML, CSS, web standards, accessibility, usability, credibility, readability, scanability, feasability, creativity, or durability. But WE DO CARE about all that shit. You hideous mediocre loser.
(11) You feel threatened with non-existence and oblivion when comparing your blogs to ours.
(12) You have no financial teeth or brains, like we do in abundance.
too many lists! But Gonzo Marketing sounds like a delicious read, so I thank you for that.
X-ian said this on February 24, 2006 4:57 pm