Search Engines are for retards
Everybody knows that search engines are for dummies who are too lazy to trot to the library or bookstore and do real paper and ink research…
...or are too stoned and drunk to pose the question to their pastor, parent, or hair dresser. Those, and bartenders, always have the correct answer to any question that could pop into your head.
If you need an SE to find information, you’re already a hopeless dolt. Not meaning “you” gentile reader, I refer to those who use search engines, and I know you do not.
One problem I have with Search Engines is, at least with Google, and I’ve discussed this with [CAUTION: name-dropping detected] Buzz Bruggeman (DISCLAIMER: he works for Microsoft Search in some field lecture capacity at universities on West coast), and he also has some issues with Google, but my concern is:
How can I jump ahead to search result #1,357 on, for example, “vaspers the grate sucks”?
Also, if I say there are twelve thousand and eleventy twelve SE “hits” on my name, many of those results are mis-spellings of the word “straight”. And don’t tell me to use hacks like quotation marks. That only dispels a few false positives.
No. Search engines are fine for children and puppies, but not for mature researchers.
You can do fine just using the Ancient Search Engine of fingers, feet, and forethought, except for breaking news on, for example, why Firefox keeps crashing like a drunken bitch on candlewax crack.
I disagree. Search engines are our friends. My only concern with Google is privacy.
Fortyone said this on February 19, 2006 4:13 pm
Er…slow down there 41.
This is satire, comic relief.
steven e. streight aka vaspers the grate, blog revolutionist said this on February 19, 2006 4:28 pm
i use a search engine as the first place to go to answer any little question that ever pops into my head.
sometimes it is very annoying, but generally they are improving all the time.
Ray Kurzweil discusses search engines in his book The Singularity is Near. p286
“The most obvious failing of these search engines is their inability to understand the context of words. ... Microsoft has developed a natural-language search engine called Ask MSR (Ask Micro-Soft Research), which actually answers natural language questions…...”
carrie said this on February 19, 2006 7:06 pm
Give it up Vaspers… no one around here gets shit.
Sidekick said this on February 19, 2006 7:06 pm
That’s why my crew are peeking in.
Carrie is keeping up with super tech, and if they don’t “get” a satire on search engines, Lord help them when they arrive at my very serious and pseudo-scholarly (pseudo not because it’s false, but because I’m a damn lazy screwfish with computer abuse geek neck), my confounding post: “darknet, web 2.0, electro-telepaths”.
Vaspers said this on February 19, 2006 7:16 pm
Sorry….no personal connections with Microsoft, other than having a lot of friends who work there, and a lot of people at Microsoft who use ActiveWords!
Buzz Bruggeman said this on February 20, 2006 1:37 am
Seemed like you were actually opposed to search engines on some level and that you were trying to present your distaste satirically through comedic relief to me. Guess this means I’m not as good as you.
Oh well, there’s always the dimwitted slave I keep in the basement to sort and mark records. I’ll always be as good as Cero.
Fortyone said this on February 20, 2006 10:56 pm
Buzz: Sorry about that. I’ll edit the post to reflect your input. I thought you said you were representing MS Search at universitities, but the phone connection was a little rough on my end, remember?
Hey, thanks for posting a clarifying comment. Did you Google your name to find this post?
41: If I really sincerely hate something or someone, I generally don’t use satire. I use direct accusations and voluptuous venom.
Vaspers said this on February 20, 2006 11:40 pm
VTG: Love that goofy mind of yours, but you all wet on this one. I can cover more ground with Google, even when I mis-spell things, in 5 minutes, then my limited vision permitted me to do in 5 HOURS in a library or bookstore.
Its okay, first mistake you’ve made this year.
CyberGal said this on February 21, 2006 1:30 am