Exits are Located at the Front and Rear
And we’re not just talking human bodily functions here. Dick-cognito unleashed the now-famous expose this past week, and at this point, all the sane individuals appear to be headed for the doors of blog networks, especially those of 9irrelevancies. It’s an exodus of biblical proportions – only, well, real! The king is dead, long live the king!
Allow me to enlighten you for a moment on why this is all so very, very stupid.
Reason #1: Networks don’t equal cash
If you think you’re going to get rich from your website, odds are incredibly good that you’re dreaming (and probably living off daddy’s money). If you’re as smart as this guy, then maybe it’ll happen for you, too; but until that day comes, you kool-aid drinkers out there can look for the “egg” network badge on his site.
Reason #2: You believe everything you read, and that makes you a dummy
Here’s what 9flames has to say about their once-heralded network of independent blogs (wtf?):
9rules will put your site in front of millions of eyes each month, exposing your content to a much larger audience.
In bonerrific fashion, Rundle spilled this can of beans on Thursday:
9rules.com, a site that receives…about 300-400k pageviews per month
Oops. Even if you count two eyes per view (which is dumb as a box of rocks), you still don’t get a million. You damn sure don’t get millions. Maybe they just meant to say “year” instead of “month.” Riiiight.
Reason #3: If you’re going to idolize someone, make sure it’s an insanely rich fucker
Paul Scrivies (pun on underwear there – Dickster is so funny!) isn’t rich, and neither are his buddies. Paul Graham, on the other hand, is rich. So is Seth Godin, or maybe Steve Rubel. Denton and Calacanis, too. If you have an insatiable desire to attach yourself to a nutsack and start suckling, then make sure you unleash your parasitic tendencies on a worthy target, ok? I’m looking out for you here – trust me on this one.
Reason #4: Pr0n IS the internet
I haven’t seen this much denial since Bill Clinton was sticking cigars in Monica Lewinsky’s baby-chute. As soon as you censor content on the internet, you’re going to piss people off. Fer crissakes, people, this is the last bastion of complete freedom. Listen – you can’t accept content; act like you love it; and then drop it because you suddenly decided to become the fucking WB of the internet. Nobody gives a shit about your 7th heaven, they just want their risque content mixed in with the stuff that pays the bills and makes the work day go by faster. If the porn ain’t stayin, then neither am I.
The 38 billion dollar a year industry and I will be over here counting comments if you need us.
Remember, no one spreads confidential information like a leaky Dick!
While I don’t give a rat’s ass about porn, I do think we have to fight tooth and nail against all cenxorship and screwfish light-in-the-loafers sucka foos who would attempt to regulate and regiment the blogosphere.
We can’t expect the blogosphere to be wild and free forever. We shall be spanked back to oblivion if we don’t attack, flame, and do whatever [wink] we can to topple the towers.
Vaspers said this on February 18, 2006 6:38 pm
You irreverent bastard…c’mere, you!
Private Dick said this on February 18, 2006 8:02 pm
I’m here. I’m right here. Hovering ominously.
It’s the Unspeakable Curse of Nice Blogging that I want to purge from the blogosphere. By hatefully flaming the light-in-the-loafers chumps, we cleanse and purify.
Vaspers said this on February 18, 2006 8:44 pm
Not that I don’t believe you, but can you show me where you found the first blockquote? You linked to the second one, but not the first one.
Matthew Oliphant said this on February 18, 2006 8:56 pm
You apparantly don’t know your own site very well Matthew.
it’s on the header of the 9rules blog. I found it on google in about 3 seconds – and I wasn’t even sure what the source was.
—Matt
Matt said this on February 18, 2006 9:59 pm
I do know my site very well and that text isn’t on it. I am sorry you felt like I was insulting you, your site, or your network(s) by my request. I wasn’t attempting to be insulting. I felt it was relatively reasonable request.
I don’t feel our response was very reasonable though.
And I am looking at the 9rules blog right now. Still not sure what you are talking about because I don’t see those words.
So please link to the page on the 9rules site that shows the text you are quoting.
Also, you found it on Google in 3 seconds, but weren’t sure what the source was? Can you clarify what that means?
Matthew Oliphant said this on February 18, 2006 11:16 pm
Here’s the google link:
http://www.google.com/search?q=9rules+will+put+your+site+in+front+of+millions+of+eyes+each+month%2C+exposing+your+content+to+a+much+larger+audience.&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official
here’s the 9rules link:
http://9rules.com/sp/blog/2005/12/01/los-blogs-y-la-publicidad/
I searched that term in google and had an answer in 3 seconds.
What I meant by saying that is that I used google to find the answer – and I had no previous knowledge of what the source was.
That text was (prior to the current version) – and is (on the Spanish version) – on the 9rules blog header.
—Matt
Matt said this on February 18, 2006 11:45 pm
Oliphant, do you think we’re dumbasses? You guys lied for months with that shit on your old orange, green, and black design. It was right there in the header, just as Matt said.
Don’t even come in here and play dumb. We will stomp all over that shit.
Private Dick said this on February 19, 2006 11:28 am
Okay, let me check my Hate List, uh…hmmm.
So, I’m getting paid to hate this guy? Private Dick is on our side, and Oliphant is on the other side? So I can go at him, regardless of whether or not I have a single iota of a clue as to what the asshat issues are?
Okay, then.
Oliphant:
Peut-être votre non plein de la merde, mais vous le mauvais juste d’odeur.
Vaspers said this on February 19, 2006 11:42 am