King of the Invisi-bloggers says Hello
Hello. Allow me to induce myself. I am Steven Edward Streight aka Vaspers the Grate, Pathetic King of the Almighty Invisi-bloggers, the Fingernail on the Chalkboard of the Bloatosphere.
David Krug asked me to “take over” this fine hypertext product of much laborious heckling and jabbering. I said okay, I’ll take over your blog…and it will be the first time I’ve done it by invitation, rather than usurpation or “blog scorching”.
What am I? A blog revolutionist, deconstructionist, web usability analyst. I have over 40 blogospheric neologisms to my credit and acknowledged by Dvorak and Ad Pulp.
Who am I? My personality, like all ephemeral qualities, is defined by what it is not, by what I hate.
I hate pseudo blogs, MySpace toilet, wannabe me-tooism, clinking (clique/cul-de-sac, or “incestuous”, linking), corporate fluff blogs, ghost blogs, mommy/baby blogging, content hyperlink spam, splogs (link farms), comment spammers.
I love negative comments, harsh flamers, and hateful criticism. If you think I’m joking, you’ve got a lot to learn, pal.
Readers of my flagship Vaspers the Grate blog, started in May 2004, include:
...and many other bloggers who won’t invite people like you and me to their A List parties and conferences.
I want you to either calmly respect me, or violently hate me, and if you hate me, you have to prove it by posting comments here, you wuss.
I promise the next post will be more substantial and skull-crunching.
Yours for Invisi-blogging,
VTG
;^0
Mental distress brought on by “Fingernail on the Chalkboard” + sentences including phrases like “40 blogospheric neologisms” = projectile nose-puking.
Cowboy, come back? At least you were cool and not just trying to be.
Oh well, I feel another RSS feed purge coming on.
Paul Short said this on February 17, 2006 3:48 pm
Now that’s what I like, a fellow loser attacking me. I like you already.
And what are inglorious credentials, pray tell? Tell me one thing.
Vaspers said this on February 17, 2006 3:52 pm
“And what are inglorious credentials, pray tell? Tell me one thing.”
Well, lets see if I can find it within myself to understand what the above quotation means. Hmm, nope. I can’t.
Paul Short said this on February 17, 2006 6:02 pm
One word: Backups
Matt
Matt said this on February 17, 2006 6:05 pm
“One word: Backups”
Another word: Sabotage
“...Cry ‘Havoc,’ and let slip the dogs of war;”
Paul Short said this on February 17, 2006 6:18 pm
Invidious invective will get us somewhere fine and dandy, dandified like candy bullets.
I mentioned the readers and comment posters of my blog, only because some chap here said “you’ve got no readers…”
Paul, let me know what you’ve accomplished lately with your blog, your life, or your mind.
What are your credentials, claims to fame, whatever you got, dude. How long you been blogging? Who has posted comments at your blog, who that we might have heard of?
Yank it out…or chop it off.
Vaspers said this on February 17, 2006 7:12 pm
that’s how vaspers/steven always writes. he’s not trying to be cool or impress you.
i’ve been reading his blog(s) just for the sheer pleasure of it (i’m just a lowly personal blogger) for almost a year, now. before you make snap judgments—simmer down and take a look at some of his most popular posts with an open mind. he’s an innovator, a prolific writer and always on the alert for the most recent developments in blogdom.
a loyal fan—
carrie said this on February 17, 2006 8:32 pm
I’m not on an ego trip dude and I don’t need to do name dropping or show my credentials by yankin’ it out. I tried that before and it did get chopped off.
Who’s read my blog? A lot of people read and commented on the previous version.
How long have I been blogging? Long enough to see the rise and fall of a lot of people in the blogosphere; including myself.
Want to know more? Put it back in your pants and listen twice as much as you speak. The blogosphere is all about listening to the conversation – not trying to dominate it.
Paul Short said this on February 17, 2006 8:44 pm
Carrie, ok, I’ll do just that. If he has loyal long-term readers like you then I’m interested.
Paul Short said this on February 17, 2006 8:47 pm
Steven
Thanks for listing Mystic Bourgeoisie. Glad to see your rhetoric mellowing with age—I mean your age, not its. Not sure I can offer anything useful to the intellectual exchange you’ve got going here so far. Not any advice you’d be likely to adopt, anyway. Because, despite whatever I may have said in The Cluetrain Manifesto, I don’t allow no-account low-life readers to clutter up my blogs. Yes, it’s the coward’s way out, I admit. But since the cages I’m rattling these days belong to neo-Nazis and the like, it’s not the verbal flamage I worry about so much as the burning crosses on the front lawn, if you catch my drift. Or waking up with a horse’s head on the adjoining pillow. So the only words of admittedly questionable “wisdom” I can proffer, I’m pretty sure you’ll reject out of hand: make a big racket (pun intended) about markets being conversations, but for god’s sake, shut down the comments!
-RB
Chris Locke said this on February 17, 2006 8:51 pm
“Neologisms” are considered to be normal activity for children, but may be a symptom of altered thought content and indicative of a mental illness (likely in the psychotic spectrum such as schizophrenia) in adults. Usage of neologisms may also be related to aphasia acquired after brain damage such as from a cerebral vascular accident or traumatic injury.
Translation… I’m a jealous bitch who has been here longer than you have, so watch it.
Sidekick said this on February 17, 2006 10:28 pm
WELL….
TWIRLING… Terrifying….. TWISTERS ..Todo
I dont think we are in Kansas no more =/
Well VTG, 0ld Blogobuddy, old menacing MEntor to the technically inept,
I took a quick look around your new pad
and i’d say the subject matter is confusing,heated and possibly questionable; However, I must say-
I dig the template , especially the comment template.
Perhaps you can usurp its ownerdom, and bring it back to VTG one day soon =)
While I am glad you are expanding,
always remember
There’s No Place Like Home….
Me and Todo are headed back to the BlogOZosphere =)
Namaste,
MB
MARY BETH said this on February 18, 2006 12:26 am
same shit, different day.
Yawnnnnn.
w said this on February 18, 2006 2:01 am
My goon squad of hot chicken wing chomping, tattooed face, cigar eating Revolutionistas are begging me to let them loose over here.
I, being so good natured and gentle, have to hold them back.
“Not yet,” I whimper commandingly in a barely audible whisper that brushes up against the hot sewage-poisoned razor blades. “I want to be bowdlerized in an inchoate immurement, so as not to syncope anybody.
Vaspers said this on February 18, 2006 2:11 am
Welcome Steven / Vasper, King of Tosh. You know, you guys are all talented satirists (alt. spelling: satyrists), but you all have the same voice. I find it difficult to distinguish you from each other. Maybe you’re a single Shape-changing Morphoid.
Which planet do you come from?
John Evans (SYNTAGMA) said this on February 18, 2006 3:14 am
There you go again, John. There you go again.
I’m sick of these dissociative accusations, and so am I.
Sidekick said this on February 18, 2006 7:33 am
Don’t worry Sidekick.
I won’t let them lump you in with my sorry ass. I think we should feel flatulently flattered, in a flimsy sort of way, that a reader, a smart reader at that, detects a certain congruity here.
“Stick it in, oh hurry, stick it in me,” the diva cried.
“Er…it is in, baby,” the groinless 9Dorks dictator whimpered.
Vaspers said this on February 18, 2006 1:40 pm
Hmm interesting. I’m not sure why I’m being told that I have to quietly respect you or violently hate you – why can I not do neither?
I’m not into violently hating people for the sake of it, certainly not on blogs. It’s not worth the energy.
Andy Merrett said this on February 18, 2006 2:39 pm
...and respect is earned.
Andy Merrett said this on February 18, 2006 2:40 pm
Well, Andy, it’s because double negatives throw the system into an infinite loop, and then Sidekick and his other half run around the house screaming, “Massa, we don’t know what to do!”
The Deuce said this on February 18, 2006 3:40 pm
Exactly. And it’s very nice to see you again Andy.
I was thinking about you yesterday.
Thanks for the comment, and I agree completely with your assessment of the situation.
Vaspers said this on February 18, 2006 4:06 pm
i am truly astonished that someone would pay thousands of dollars to build/buy a fine techno-gadget like these here pc computer thingies only to snipe at complete strangers.
wow.
still, i find steve to be a complete wombat of nutzoidness on the net, for which i am a complete sucker. hence, i proudly alloted his blog a prominent space on my sidebar.
frankly, i can’t keep up with his neologisms, some of which are nearly incomprehensible, and come in torrents, but that’s probably because i overindulged in the illegal substances at a tender age.
keep hooting, wombat.
g randy primm said this on February 18, 2006 7:53 pm
Mr. Primm: your check is in the mail.
Vaspers said this on February 18, 2006 8:48 pm
While you all may get off on VTG’s snarling, growling and mauling tactics (when attacked), I discovered his love of ethics. I HIGHLY recommend you all read his “blog Core Values”. Instead of in-fighting, how about a competition with ourselves to be the best damn writers of whatever our passion is. If my work is really good, eventually, someone will read it and it will end up on the desk of someone who will want to market it as a book. I don’t care either way. I am being the best ‘me’ I know how to be, and if you don’t like my blog, or this comment. Respond, or don’t continue to read. You try and put spam, or trash on my blog via bogus comments, you will end up in the ‘rejected’ bin. Respectful disagreement is always welcome. Let’s hear it for being adults in a world full of really BIG children!
CyberGal said this on February 18, 2006 10:40 pm
But I…I wanna be me. My mind is full of disturbed furniture. I love discussions, heated or frigid.
Blog Core Values is a blogspot blog that I started in reaction to having to blog scorch BLOGthenticity.
Subtle as a truck, let’s blog to the beat of the universal osmosis machine.
Vaspers said this on February 18, 2006 11:53 pm